Baby feet

 Throughout this process, I think I have been pretty good about controlling sadness, disappointment, anger, and most negative reactions, which is human nature to feel, that could be associated with dealing with a trial. This past Sunday sadness seemed to creep into my heart during church of all places. There was a little girl about Jack's age sitting in front of us. She was a hefty baby at least a 8-pounder at birth, but the object that caught my eye wasn't her rosy cheeks or plump fingers-- instead it was her tiny black velveteen shoes sitting underneath the bench.

My throat became a little tight and my heart sank... I thought about the reality that the first time I would put shoes on my little boy's feet, he won't be so little anymore and probably not even a baby. It took me back to the days I tickled lil miss' toes and watched her wiggle and squirm with delight. I loved buying shoes to house those precious feet and tried to find ones draped in bows, frills, and sparkles. 

It is so unique and almost mystifying, how such a small object can carry with it memories from the past  and bring about a bit of sadness and guilt.

Guilt for the fact, that maybe I didn't cherish tickling those wiggly toes enough or massaging her tiny legs with their "normal" muscle tone and shape. Fear and heartache still creeps into my mind about Jack's future, but those days are now few and far between, thank goodness. Instead, he and the experience he brings helps me to live in the moment and not take too many things for granted. 

Jack's left cast slipped and his little pink stubs disappeared into the hard colorless plaster.

The pain cries began and I knew that I had to get the plaster off. I needed so badly to see those tiny toes. 

I finally was able to get rid of the cast and my happy lil' man returned.

He even gave me a smile. Love those.

Each day that I can see his button toes is a good day.

I write this to help remind myself to live in those small moments. Don't allow the everyday stresses boggle you down and distract from the things that give the most joy and pleasure-- family and loved ones. 

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