2011 Reflecting: Arthrogryposis

I promise pictures of our Christmas celebration will come-- soon.

But tonight is another one of those long, mind racing nights where I can't sleep until I write. Everyone in the house is already fast asleep in dreamland.

And as for me-- my mind wonders.

It is therapeutic for the words to escape my mind onto paper or the web in this case. I know that this is a public domain that can be seen and read by anyone, but I still have the desire to pour my heart out. It is as though, once the words are placed, the fear, anxiety, etc is released so that I can continue our journey. I have to admit each time I write... the keys are met with not only my fingertips but small drops of water. Like my mom always told me, it is okay to cry. And I do.

Tonight, I have been reflecting and researching. James has grown to hate the word google... it is my home page. I google and google. And I have come to be VERY familiar with the word-- arthrogryposis. I can't even pronounce it correctly, yet it plagues my mind constantly. We haven't received any type of confirmation that this is what we are up against, but my motherly instinct kicks in... I can't shake it. We even met with the genetics doctor, no definite "diagnosis" can be determined, yet. So I allow this word to harbor in the back of my mind, and determine what treatments we should be allowing. The constant that brings smiles and hope is Jack. Jack being himself... and the smiles, coos, stretches and improvements. There are so many stories of children screaming throughout the weeks of casting, splinting, therapy etc. Our little man does it with some initial cries, but is quickly soothe with cuddles and love. Oh to see him smile...

And then there is Miss Avery. I worry that this "process" will affect her even more than lil man. She is the one that sits at the end of the hospital bed watching her little brother in pain. She has adapted to quickly present kisses to anyone who has a "booboo". Her sweet innocence is endearing. May she retain that for a long time to come.

I always expected to teach my children lessons of love, charity, sacrifice, endurance, faith, hope, and optimism.
They teach me.

This past year we have grown-- physically, emotionally, and more unified. I look back at the few short years together and it astounds me the growth and difference of our family.

But the reality of it is-- we have much more growth ahead. May I be wise enough to allow it to change me for the better.

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Christmas time {2011}

This has been quite the year. I sit here in my warm cozy living room listening to Christmas music, the Little Drummer boy just ended. I love that song and it began some pondering and meditation in my heart. I feel so lucky and filled with love.

Our little family has already experienced some and still has trials and bumps ahead of us, but I am filled with such gratitude and peace. I take this opportunity to reflect on the previous year and smile.

A smile not formed from lighthearted frivolous enjoyment, but a deep embedded understanding of happiness and true love. My heart is so full.

May you share in this understanding and enjoy the spirit of Christmas.

Pendleton Family 2011

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Baby feet

 Throughout this process, I think I have been pretty good about controlling sadness, disappointment, anger, and most negative reactions, which is human nature to feel, that could be associated with dealing with a trial. This past Sunday sadness seemed to creep into my heart during church of all places. There was a little girl about Jack's age sitting in front of us. She was a hefty baby at least a 8-pounder at birth, but the object that caught my eye wasn't her rosy cheeks or plump fingers-- instead it was her tiny black velveteen shoes sitting underneath the bench.

My throat became a little tight and my heart sank... I thought about the reality that the first time I would put shoes on my little boy's feet, he won't be so little anymore and probably not even a baby. It took me back to the days I tickled lil miss' toes and watched her wiggle and squirm with delight. I loved buying shoes to house those precious feet and tried to find ones draped in bows, frills, and sparkles. 

It is so unique and almost mystifying, how such a small object can carry with it memories from the past  and bring about a bit of sadness and guilt.

Guilt for the fact, that maybe I didn't cherish tickling those wiggly toes enough or massaging her tiny legs with their "normal" muscle tone and shape. Fear and heartache still creeps into my mind about Jack's future, but those days are now few and far between, thank goodness. Instead, he and the experience he brings helps me to live in the moment and not take too many things for granted. 

Jack's left cast slipped and his little pink stubs disappeared into the hard colorless plaster.

The pain cries began and I knew that I had to get the plaster off. I needed so badly to see those tiny toes. 

I finally was able to get rid of the cast and my happy lil' man returned.

He even gave me a smile. Love those.

Each day that I can see his button toes is a good day.

I write this to help remind myself to live in those small moments. Don't allow the everyday stresses boggle you down and distract from the things that give the most joy and pleasure-- family and loved ones. 

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Preview {Christmas Cards}

*** WARNING: If you want to be surprised to see what our Christmas card looks like when it comes to you in the mail, DO NOT continue reading this post***

I just really enjoyed making the layouts for both

our family Christmas card and Jack's birth announcement.

So I wanted to document it digitally.

I feel so blessed to call my loved ones family...

and enjoy sharing our lives together.

**These cards were so much fun to make. Hope y'all enjoy:)

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